I don't think anyone reads this and really it's just for me to get my feelings out so if there are any readers out there, please ignore my little venting session.
Ugly Girl Syndrome (UGS) to me is probably not what is defined in Urban Dictionary or any web site. UGS to me just means how I felt about myself as a teenager.
Growing up I never thought of myself as attractive, I just always felt ugly. If anyone paid me a compliment, it would make me really uncomfortable like they were saying it to be nice and didn't really mean it. I started playing with make up so that I could make my face pretty and hide my many imperfections.
As I get older, I am becoming more comfortable with my appearance and may even think I look attractive. In the past year, I have actually found a confidence within myself and have allowed myself to feel pretty and say "thank you" whenever I receive a compliment. However, there are moments when my insecurities get the best of me and that ugly girl takes over and I feel like I can't escape her. I hate that ugly girl inside me! I've tried my entire life to get rid of her but she won't leave me alone. She's the reason I don't believe that love exists for me. That there is definitely something wrong with me and the reason my relationships don't last long or that men either just want to screw me or be my best friend. She's takes away my confidence, even when it comes to getting a good job. I once read that attractive people are more likely to get a job over someone less attractive....I don't remember where I read that but it has stuck with me all these years and when I'm looking for work and I don't get it, ugly girl comes out again.
So what do I do? How do I finally rid myself of this annoying part of me? How do I become okay with who I am and what I look like? I don't know yet, I'll be 39 next month which means I'll be 40 next year and I haven't figured it out. Perhaps it'll take another 40 years......I'll let you know.
